I am certain that all of us have been tormented with this question since we were able to speak. Our parents, teachers, counselors and acquaintances are constantly bombarding us with questions about our future; what we want to be, what we want to do, what subjects we should major, what will we study, where we'll go to college, etc.
It is very common to be anxious about one's future and be full of doubts and uncertainties. Several times, I've found myself stressed and anguished thinking about my future. My answer to the popular question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" has varied many times; I've wanted to be a teacher, a chef, a veterinarian, a dog-walker and a zoo-keeper, and my answer has even ended up being "I don't know". This uncertainty is totally acceptable and common, but it has made me feel weak, insecure and distressed. In the effort of “trying to find,” I stopped seeing things objectively and I missed many valuable things.
“The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with.” ~Tony Robbins
My sister is 100% certain of her vocation in life since she was three years old, which is being an actress, and until now, she has never questioned it. This particular case that is so close to me, has made my uncertainty and anguish worse in many ocassions. I felt a lot of pressure and tension from my parents, since I had fear of dissapointing them and I felt that my uncertainty was letting them down. In a recent conversation with my mom, I realized how wrong I was and all my anxiety was relieved - I started feeling comfortable with my uncertainty and I stopped questioning every day my purpose and thinking so much about my future. In brief, she told me how she would support me in every decision I took and how I shouldn't worry so much about my future, as she was certain that I was going to take the right decisions and end up in the right place. Her wise words were a massage to my ego and it allowed me to see things clearly.
“Knowing too much of your future is never a good thing.” ~Rick Riordan
“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ~Søren Kierkegaard
Before, I thought that I HAD to study in the U.S.A or in any foreign country, Peru was not even within my options. This subject made me very uncomfortable and distressed as I am very attached to my family and to my home and my experiences alone in foreign countries haven't been so pleasurable. I believed that I had no other option than taking the IB and then moving to the U.S.A to study, as everyone I knew did that and it is what my parents "expected" me to do. It was in a casual conversation I had with my mom where my mindset completely changed and I started feeling more tranquil and secure. My mindset started changing and I started being open to other things. My first step was taking the Innovation Academy instead of the IB. I started looking for other university options and highly considering studying in Peru.
Know, I am almost certain that I want to study in Peru and I've already started researching about possibilities. Although I'm still not 100% certain of what I want and I don't know the exact answer to "What do you want to be when you grow up?", I feel totally comfortable with my uncertainty and the decisions I've taken so far, and I am excited for what the future has for me.
“You can't stop the future
You can't rewind the past
The only way to learn the secret
...is to press play.”
~Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why